Back in the saddle again, as it were. Along with the first day of 'normal' classes, we also delved into our Acting class today for the first time as well, focusing this year more on settling into our bodies and reaching a relaxed energy, as Christia emphasized. That thought of a relaxed energy really gets me excited, to be honest. I'm a very nervous actor, who gets himself worked up to all ends before auditions, evensofaras throwing up before Generals (like I did yesterday) and loosing lines that I haven't ever had trouble with (also what happened yesterday during my Chekhov piece). I've always been nervous, and I've always been an overactor and this year is all about overcoming that. Last year was all about letting go, and I think I at least touched on that a little if not through acting class, through One Last Hope for the Lonely. That final moment... geeze it still gives me goosebumps. And not being in any condition afterwards to go greet people, being so shaken still has me in disbelief that it was me, and I actually approached that level of comittment. It was an extraordinary year in my life last year, and although I'm not planning on replicating it, I'm hoping it will be just as interesting and full of growth for me as an actor and as a human.
My body is the most uncomfortable part about myself, hands down. I've always felt amiss about myself in the body department. Things I thought can work, just... don't. Like Ballet, like certain dancing moves, like anything involving movement. It just feels awkward and unlike myself to be doing, and that scares me, and it always has. I've just given up several times on myself to be honest. I wanted nothing more than to be a dancer, honestly. I wanted to just be able to leap in the air, split my legs to no end, and watch people's eyes get big at how flexible and how graceful I am. *sound of record halting* Yeah. Didn't happen. *laughs*
But a more approachable goal through being comfortable with my body will certainly be with Stage combat. And although I'm not very good, I'm getting better. With an amazing coach like Rachel Mock and Christia, it shouldn't be too hard. They allow me to ask LOTS of questions, and give me plenty of time to work on my own with it, and that's what I need.
Today we did falls, both forwards and backwards on both legs. It was great, because I actually had time to work it through on my own, without having to put it into a show that night (i.e. One Last Hope... ugh). It's really quite simple, and it just takes time for your body to get that muscle memory down, that's all. The back fall is my favorite, though, and I'm becoming good at it. I was partnered with Ben Khare today and we practiced knaps with the backwards falls. We were actually used as an example couple because we quickly grasped the method (which was kind of humbling and gave me something to take with me in the pride department).
It was good, too. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of work to get over falling to the floor and not having anyone there to catch me, but it was a step in the right direction... *raises eyebrow* backwards, of course...
We practiced our warm-up and added quite a few different moves to the classical physical warm-up, and I'm really grateful. When we did our warm-ups last semester we focused solely on the voice with a few physical exercised here and there to help with the warming process, but quite honestly, my voice doesn't turn on until my body has been active, and kind of sweating for a little bit. So, I'm basically exstatic about the whole prospect of having a solid vocal warm-up and a solid physical warm-up to draw from now.
My thoughts and reactions for today? What is the class going to be like... Scene wise, i'm rather curious as to how things will pan out, because we have an interesting bunch of people this semester and most of which I haven't worked with yet. That makes me just plain nervous, to be honest. And on top of that, I'm rather nervous about the whole sophomore 'thing.' The prospect of being watched like a hawk this year to see how I'm dedicated to my art, to be judged every day on my work and my passion for the thing that I plan on doing for the rest of my life (or a significant chunk, at least). It's nerve-wracking, that's all. And I'm scared. As I always am. But I'll be brave this year, on my own, significanly independent in my single room over in Hale, all alone, and away from the hoop-haw of Moore and the theatre folks. I plan on working my ass off in every spare second to get my work done, to keep my grades up, and to stay above everything. I have some hella-fucking hard classes this semester, and the prospect of getting behind doesn't exist because I will drown and fail if I don't keep my head above the water, and keep reminding myself that I have one job this year. Not to get tied down with boys, or any other superfluous distractions that may arise. I have school on my mind, and until I graduate, that's what I'll be thinking of.
Acting. *laughs* ACTING!!!!! STELLAAAAA!
Jared. M. Brown
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